Sudden Fiction

Delmy Del Cid
Sudden Fiction

I knew things went wrong from the beginning of losing my virginity. He wasn’t the same, he was distant from me. I barely saw him and when I did, he was on some other world. “What’s wrong babe?” was the same question since everything went wrong. It was on a sunny day in Tampa, Florida where I first saw him. His name was Andrew, tall; light skin, pink lips, and dark long hair. When I saw him I was like I fell in love with him and I didn’t want to lose him. “Hi, I am Andrew” “Hi, I am Andrea” were the first words we ever said to each other. I never imagined myself without him two years after that day. Every moment of our lives we spent it with each other. In February of 2009, his baby sister was born on a snowy, cold day. While walking home on that cold, I felt someone watching over me. Adrenaline was flowing all over my body and my veins popped out and my hands were sweaty. I thought I was going to get kidnapped, so I slowly went through my bag for my keys, and if anything happened I would defend myself with that. I stepped inside and walked up the stairs and something grabs my hand, I swing to punch ad I turn around to see Andrew. “What is wrong with you, why would you do that?” “I’m sorry babe, I wanted to surprise you, and did I scare you?” “Obviously”. Walking up the stairs to my house was like walking to heaven by his hand. His body temperature and the cold breeze on his hand made it feel like I was weren’t going to let go. I knew I loved him and no one else. Lips on lips compressing on each other, his hand on waist wanting to take an adventure. Silent and peaceful moment, heat running down and blood pumping faster and faster every time we touched each other. RING RING “hello; no ma, he’s with me right now…..OMG really, ok we are on our way now.” He was in a rush to get the hospital; he was stacking like a rattle. “Rosy” the newest member of his family was born. All he wanted was to spend the whole night with her. “I’ll leave babe, see you tomorrow” “Ok babe, bye….sigh I love you” I couldn’t believe what he just said, and I didn’t know what to tell him. “I love you too babe.” I didn’t know it possible to love someone the way I loved him. Months passed the way seasons did through a human eye and our relationship was being hurt my rumor. The sun was at its highest point on the sky, he came over my house and we watched a movie and later that night I had told him “I am ready” those three word where the beginning of something new and I knew things were about to change.

Reflection:
Due to the feedback I received in Workshop, I now know that I need to describe my characters and what their purpose is. Also I know that I need to finish my ending and have middle as well. The feedback that was given to me by my classmates I need to have my sentence structure fixed. I need to know that my grammar is somewhat incorrect. I also know that I need to reread my writing and have a well organized thesis. My overall goal for this piece is to make the reader feel part of the story and feel the intensive problem occurring and to teach them how a love story can be turned into a disaster. Also my overall goal for this piece is to finish the ending and have it be done greatly and have the reader question about why that happens. Also this piece overall, I want it to be my best that I have ever written and to show that myself, as the author knows how to combine reality with fiction.